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Food Dreams – A New Kind of Torture

February 13, 2012 by 11 Comments

The sound of fire doors smashing shut and the fire alarm screaming jolted us awake at 1 am this morning.

Once I knew we weren’t about to be incinerated, I started the process of gathering my most valuable things, finding my purse, and putting on some more clothes. My husband is the only one I will torture with my ‘pajamas‘ which consists of short shorts, woodcutter-esque wool socks, and the latest and greatest free t-shirt.

The man deserves an award for putting up with me.

After 37 minutes of standing outside with my neighbours who were also clutching laptops, cameras, photo albums, pets, and purses; we were allowed back inside.

fire

It was the best I could do at 1 am after being woken up from an epic sleep. More fire trucks and firemen supervising the 'situation' than smoke.

With one eye closed, I took off my down filled coat, set the coffee pot to start perking at 4:25, and dropped back into bed.

What followed was torture in the extreme.

For the next 3 hours, I suffered through the craziest food dreams on the planet.

Martinis, nachos, cake, donuts, cheesecake, wine, chocolate, popcorn, and pizza were devoured by your’s truly all while I kept saying,  ’Umm…why am I eating this? I don’t eat this stuff. Huh! Strange. Complete and utter strangeness! Tasty though! Ooh, CAKE!‘

I knew it wasn’t really happening because no peanut butter was consumed. If this had been real life, I would have eaten more peanut butter than one woman should eat in a month.

Mexican food

I started with something like this, ate it in about 12 seconds, and then went on the desserts.

While I gorged, all my friends chanted, ‘EAT, EAT, EAT!‘

Seriously!

I was very thankful to wake up this morning to the usual black coffee, egg whites, and kasha.

Apparently the combination of a rest day, high carb day, and midnight fire results in enough stress to push me over the edge to have a mental food binge.

I feel like I have entered a whole new realm of prep.

Literally dreaming of food.

Have you ever dreamt of food while dieting?

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The Visual Guide to a Figure Competitor

February 10, 2012 by 12 Comments

I never really got the point of the dishes are clean / dirty magnets that people have on their dishwashers. I mean, can’t you just tell by looking at the dishes whether they are clean or not?

Apparently not, hence the magnets.

clean or dirty dishes

I guess it DOES make sense...

And apparently if you are married to a Figure Competitor you can’t tell if she is bone dead tired, grouchy, hangry, or happy as a clam.

I decided I needed a ‘Figure Competitor Magnet’ so my husband didn’t have to wonder any more.

Today I created the very first iteration of, ‘The Visual Guide to a Figure Competitor‘.

I think this is going to be a game changer.

Pure brillance.

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I Prefer My Food Naked. There I Said It.

February 7, 2012 by 6 Comments

Oh the joys of eating out for business while on a contest diet!

The banter between myself and the waitress is way more high maintenance than necessary and I have an audience.

DL – (pretending to read the menu) I will take a house salad, dressing on the side, and plain grilled chicken breast. Oh by the way, what veggies come on the house salad?

Waitress – A beautiful heirloom tomato, julienned carrots, and other in season vegetables. So nothing on the chicken?

DL – (calculating macros in my head) Just grilled and on the side. Perfect!

Waitress – Are you allergic to something? We have a lovely marinade that tastes absolutely divine on the chicken.

DL – No, I am not allergic, just plain grilled chicken. Salt, pepper, and maybe garlic?

Waitress – I could ask the chef what other seasonings are available.

DL – No, don’t worry about it. Just no oil or butter please. Plain chicken….make it as boring as you can please.

Waitress – So just plain. On the grill. Nothing on it. Ok then. 

DL – Yup. Exactly. I like my food naked.

Perhaps I should just lead with that.

So, I like my food naked…

I am sure no one will get the wrong impression.

Who else out there likes their food naked?

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Random Stuff About Me And You

January 26, 2012 by 8 Comments

There are so many things that you guys know about me, some things I can’t believe I tell you….and the pictures that I post. If only my mom knew. Oy vey!

Oh wait, she reads my blog too.

Dang!

There are no real secrets. Honestly, once you post your first picture of you in a sweaty bra top and short-shorts, it just goes downhill from there. All barriers and worries about what people think are out the window; you just are and the world better be ok with that.

Just call me Open Book-Loree.

In a non-fitness theme, I have decided to jump on the bandwagon with Kari and answer some questions about me that have nothing to do with weight training, gluing a suit to your arse, or avoiding the peanut butter jar.

Random stuff about me you may or may not want to know.

  • What’s the most interesting or moving book you’ve ever read?

First off, I love books. I am the woman that can read a book over and over and OVER. That being said, I have many favourite books, but ‘The Kite Runner’ made me think and change in ways I was unprepared for when I started reading it. I haven’t read it in nearly 5 years, so I would have to read it again to give you my original, over the top, and gushing review.

The Kite Runner

Powerful book that I could not put down.

I remember closing the book and saying outloud, “Redemption doesn’t always come to us the way we imagine it should”.

  • Which do you prefer: the book or the movie?

Book. Always the book. Umm…I don’t even see why this question is on the list. Doesn’t EVERYONE prefer the book?

  • If you could move to anywhere tomorrow, where would it be?

Soho, NY. I would live in an amazing condo over a treelined street that has a bakery on the corner with the most amazing pastries which I smell, but never eat and espresso that makes your hair stand on end. And of course I am a famous author that gets to write, weight train, and travel on fabulous book tours.

Soho NYV

This about sums the feeling up.

If we are going to dream, we might as well do it up!

  • What’s the one thing in life you can’t leave the house without?

My bra. I do not go in public without wearing my bra. Some women seem to think this is an optional thing in life, but not me. I would leave my phone, debit card, purse, and most anything else before leaving my bra behind. Wearing makeup and having your hair done is great, but if they girls are flying all over the place nothing else really matters.

  • What’s the furthest place you’ve flown to?

Calcutta. In 1999 I went to Inda for a month and it changed my life. It is a beautiful, dynamic, and powerful place; I don’t think anyone can visit India and come back the same.

taj-mahal

A very amazing place with a lurid history.

Helping at Mother Teresa’s orphanage, visiting the Taj Mahal, and spending time in the hospitals was an amazing adventure that I will never, ever forget.

  • If you could be anyone for a day who would it be?

Nelson Mandela. It would be an absolute gift to look at the world from his perspective, hear his heart from the inside, and live with the wisdom that he gained over years of pain, heartache, and self leadership.

Nelson Mandela

A true leader, in every sense.

  • What is one word that best describes you? (ONLY ONE)

Panache.

  • What’s been your greatest accomplishment to date?

Changing my mind about what is possible in life. When you change your mind, you change your world.

Truly.

  • What’s your favorite type of food?

Dessert. I don’t think I have ever met a dessert that I wouldn’t like to taste. A close second would be hot, homemade bread fresh out of the oven slathered in butter.

choc pb cookies

*chomp*

Carbs + Fat = Donloree in a blissful food coma

This would be why I have a Pinterest board called, ‘Look, but don’t eat!‘

  • What’s one nickname you have?

D-Lo!

  • What’s the best thing you did in 2011?

I am proud of many, many things from 2011; but by far the best thing I did was getting my health back. I am so happy to be living and have the opportunity to be fat and sassy *ahem* lean and mean.

If you don’t have your health you can’t fully enjoy all that life has to offer.

More living, much less dying!

What about you? 

I answered the random, non-bodybuilding questions; now it is your turn! I love giving people nicknames and if you don’t tell me what your nickname is, I will give you one and you will just have to like it.

Just ask Kori, aka ‘KSnAP‘.

Your turn!

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Severe Rice Cake Envy

January 23, 2012 by 9 Comments

At 10:37 this morning, I was busy estimating how many carbs are in the walls of my condo.

A rather odd thing to muse on unless you are starving and contemplating eating them and their door frame friends too! When 11:00 rolled around and I got to have my late morning snack of a rice cake and almond butter, I was relieved but not satisfied.

I am suffering from severe Rice Cake Envy.

Both Kathleen and Kori have mentioned their love of chocolate rice cakes. As any good dieting competitor would do, I promptly went in search of them to bring home and immediately smother in a nut butter.

I came home empty handed. THREE TIMES.

These women live in America; the land of chocolate rice cakes.

I live in Canada; the land of plain, salted popcorn, caramel, kettle corn, chocolate caramel, dill, sour cream, cheddar, and salt and vinegar rice cakes.

No chocolate.

chocolate rice cakes

Ummm..delicious! Need I say more?

At  1 protein, 11 carbs, and 1 fat they would be a decadent treat for me. Add a tablespoon of nut butter on top of it and I would be in heaven.

Where does a good Canadian girl find these illicit, decadent, and reasonable carb chocolate rice cakes?

I am putting out an official Donloree SOS.

HELP!

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Strange Men Are Sometimes Necessary

January 12, 2012 by 18 Comments

I realize that it is the ‘two thousands‘ and weight training for women is completely acceptable.

That being said, there aren’t that many women in the weight area most mornings. The very few of us that train on a regular basis have come to be accepted as part of the scene by the men that dominate the weights.

I know because I get the casual head cocked to the left chin up greeting most mornings.

I have become as interesting to them as the lat pull down machine, which is fine by me. I do my thing, they do their thing, and rarely do the paths cross unless we are fighting over the only power rack at the YMCA.

On Monday a strange, heavily muscled man insisted on doing chin ups in the power rack even though there are three other places chin ups can be done.

Monday is Leg Day.

I need that power rack and I will fight tooth and nail to get it.

DL – (unplugging one ear bud) Hey. Sorry to be a bother, I know how annoying this question is, but how many more sets do you have?

Strange, Heavily Muscled Man – (french accent) Oh, just a few. You can work in. Don’t worry about it. I will pull up and you use the squat rack.

DL – Umm..ok then…this should be interesting. Do you want to use a different location for chin ups? There are a few more around that aren’t being used.

Strange, Heavily Muscled Man  - No. I use this one.

DL - I’m doing box squats…this should be hilarious.

With more than a few reservations as to how this would work, I set up my bar, added my warm up weight, and grabbed a box to do my squats. After my first warm up set I found myself trapped in the cage with the strange, heavily muscled man completing chin ups behind me.

I ducked under the safeties and watched from a distance.

While he was distracted by low rows and barbell upright rows, I worked my pyramid for strength on the box squat. I was going for a personal best on the last set of two.

During my set of 12 reps, while sweat was rolling down my back and off my elbows, a french accented cheer went up and I nearly lost the bar off my back due to surprise.

Strange, heavily muscled man was back.

This time he didn’t do chin ups. He helped me load more weight on my bar and then proceeded to do military overhead presses with it.

Seriously?

I had been feeling good about my box squat weight, that was until the strange, heavily muscled man threw it over his head like it was a kitten.

This went on for three more progressively heavy sets.

I finally out squatted his over head press abilities and he moved to barbell bicep curls. On my last set where I was just killing it, my new found friend came back to bark instructions at me.

It was very annoying, oddly encouraging, and in some strange way appreciated and not.

DL Personal Best on Squat - Jan 10, 2011

185 pounds...not too shabby for a woman with pencil legs if I say so myself! Room to grow, that is for sure!

Luckily he didn’t see any need to help me with my SLDLs.

I grumped and complained about him and his ridiculous ways to my coach and received a most hilarious response.

Strange men are necessary sometimes…that may be one of the weirdest things I’ve ever typed…

YES!

The very next day, I could have used his help when I attempted my 50lb db chest press. I actually looked around to see if there was anyone that could help me. There was no one I felt comfortable asking; so I did what I could but I know I didn’t give it everything.

An ‘All the way! Up, up, UP!!‘ in a french accent from a strange, heavily muscled man would have been beneficial.

Heck as if I knew!

How do you ask for spots from the men at the gym?

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Why do bananas get all the love?

January 10, 2012 by 9 Comments

Please, pretty please, can some fabulous inventor ‘invent‘ the Rice Cake Guard?

All you need to do is take this:

Awkward, but brilliant.

And modify it for this:

A staple for most competitors...at least this one!

And if you want to make an elite or special edition version, create one with a small leak proof snap on container that holds 1 tbsp of nut butter in it. Oh, and a wee little knife that snaps onto the case will make us deliriously happy.

You will be a bazillionaire once you are ‘discovered‘ by the crazy world of bodybuilding.

Heck, no need to be discovered; I will tell them all about you.

Who’s on it?

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Reason No. 87 I’m Going to Hell In A Handbasket

January 9, 2012 by 12 Comments

I laugh at other people’s awkward, embarrassing, and painful moments.

The truth be told, I could totally see this happening to me. In fact, equally hilarious and horrible things have happened to me many, many times.

I watched it and immediately showed it to my very nice husband.

  • My response: Gasping for air while laughing hysterically. Words were not required.
  • My husband’s response: Oh no! Are they ok? What happened to their head? Oh no….ouch!

While he furrowed his brow and asked appropriate, kind hearted questions I watched it again and again and got the best ab workout I’ve had in awhile.

I am obviously going to hell.

You coming with?

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An Official Request For Mother Nature

January 3, 2012 by 3 Comments

Dear Mother Nature,

Over the past 3 decades, I have come to appreciate that women’s bodies are not perfect and that you build us to store fat so that we can survive through long winters, drought, and famine. When the epic and horrible things in life happen we withstand and conquer because we are created to do so. We outlive men, take care of children, and seem to keep going like the energizer bunny no matter what life hands us.

Perfect.

I also appreciate that the women on the magazine covers are airbrushed and their abs, tricep definition, and small waists are fabulous, but they aren’t quite THAT fabulous in real life.

Cellulite, dimples, imperfections, and all the things that make them less than perfect are erased with a few clicks of a mouse.

I am relieved to know that most women struggle with body image issues just like me, that no one is perfect, and even fitness models require ‘fixing up‘ to be featured on the cover a magazine.

Here’s my simple request:

Please stop with the crow’s feet and acne at the same time.

Seriously.

There is enough to accept, love, and overcome in the battle of appreciating what we see in the mirror without having to balance puberty and aging at the same time.

I am truly flattered that you think we are all Superwomen and able to keep flying no matter what, but something has got to give!.

Harder than it looks!

Consider this my official vote for ‘skin blemishes‘.

Sincerely,

A rather annoyed Superwoman

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Cardio King and Weight Lifting Queen

December 15, 2011 by 16 Comments

Every day I can be found training alone at the YMCA.

My headphones are in and I am contemplating the great mysteries of life while I push heavy stuff around.

The most amazing thoughts and realizations about life and what I want come to me when my body is pushing itself to physical failure.

All the men in the weight area are used to the lady in the lulus that furrows her brow, is dripping sweat, and writing copious notes about her latest realization in life on the back of her split.

‘Who? Oh that’s just Donloree, you ll get used to her!”

Yesterday there was a man being squished by the Hack Squat machine and I barely realized he was being pressed into the shape of an accordion until he started waving furiously and yelling for help.

I finally realized what was happening, ran over and locked the machine into place, and the demonstrated how the safety keeps you from being squished to death.

He honestly thought he was going to die.

For my birthday, my husband offered to train with me. Bless his heart. He gets major points for spending time with me doing something that I love and he hates.

We never train together due to my severe dislike of things like running and his desire to chit chat and mingle while working out. He is a Cardio King and I am a Weight Lifting Queen.

Apparently opposites do attract.

It was chest and biceps with a little HIIT thrown in for good measure.

The perfect birthday workout.

DL – So we are going to do 7 flat presses…

Cardio King – Reps…or sets?

DL – Sets. Then we are supersetting flyes and decline bosu pushups for a few sets, followed by a few supersets of barbell curls and hammer curls. Let’s do this thing!

Cardio King – Oh boy…!

The running commentary was priceless.

  • You’re not just pretty, you’re TOUGH too.
  • Your muscles are all big and puffy right now. Seriously!
  • Wow. That’s heavy!
  • Do you think you’re too intense?
  • Oh man, I have to keep up!
  • Are you going to…lift that?
  • This is convenient, we use the same weights!
  • So we just work on two body parts? Just two?

It was hard to keep focussed and not laugh hysterically.

He was glad we at least got in 10 minutes of HIIT treadmill sprints. He creamed me by doing 10 mph sprints without barely breaking a sweat. My 8 mph sprints seemed slow and slovenly compared to what the Cardio King was able to do.

He kicked the HIIT’s arse while the HIIT kicked mine.

Do you train with your significant other? If so, is it this hilarious?

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